


Highschool is Shit

by maggimee_bestmee



Category: Big Bang (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comedy, Crack, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Highschool AU, M/M, Nyongtory, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pandas, Poor Jiyong just wants to shit leAVE HIM ALONE, Romance, Ryan Higa references, This is the worst form of crack, Useless Gays, We're not joking, and maybe other characters?, but not too serious, cross-dressing, no seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 10:12:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15628479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maggimee_bestmee/pseuds/maggimee_bestmee
Summary: GD is just a normal student trying to get through high school, who may or may not have a crush on a certain jock in school. Seungri is the typical handsome school jock that gets all the girls, but actually has a soft heart inside. Basically a tsundere.Everything changes when their lives cross in the most unexpected way. One could say it was fate. To Ji-Yong, however, it was a blessing from God.





	1. some things are hard to contain

**Author's Note:**

> If you're looking for a fic with good character development, an incredible journey where the characters bond and create magical memories, actual good humour, then this fic is not for you. We write crack. Not even good crack, but that being said, if you're still reading this, we admire your perseverance. This fic is very shitty, quite literally actually. So if you've lasted so far, congrats! Or should we say good luck. :))
> 
> Thanks for reading (if you actually did)
> 
> *This fic is not meant to be taken seriously. We're just a bunch of teenagers writing stupid crack stories which was originally meant to be a gift for our friend who really likes this ship. For some reason, we decided to post this on ao3.

Kwon Ji-yong was worried. He was incredibly late for his history class, after being held up in the toilet from eating a little too much for his liking. Everything had gone wrong for him this particular day. 

Ji-Yong was your average K-Pooper. He was the type of person that prefered binge watching Ryan Higa videos at home over interacting with other human beings (not that he would ever admit to being an introvert anyway).

His little explosion had occurred in a stall with no tissue paper, so he was forced to become a temporary ninja to climb over to the adjacent stall to secure his target. Unfortunately, there was no tissue paper in the stall next to him, so he was forced to suck it in and walk out of the restroom with his smelly butt. 

He clutched his stomach, desperately attempting to subdue the ongoing war in his stomach. Groaning, he tried (just a little bit too hard) to reach his history class before it ended- he didn’t want to break his perfect attendance, after all!

“It’s just a corner away,” he muttered to himself, gasping for air due to his inability to run for extended periods of time. Unbeknown to him, someone else was running in the opposite direction. Ji-yong only saw a flash of white before he banged head first into someth- someone?

The impact of his collision caused him to fall backwards- knocking his head on the floor and losing the last remaining ounces of ego he had left. He groaned and rolled over. The only thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a hand extended towards him. 

“Sorry, I should have been more careful,” a seductive voice called out. The mysterious figure winked, then bent down to help Ji-Yong, who was sprawled on the floor in pain.

Ji-yong shook his head, trying to clear the flash of white out of his vision. When he opened his eyes, he was astounded to see an unfamiliar face holding his gaze. 

“Are you ok..? You seemed to have scraped your knee a lil’... You want me to bring you to the nurse or do you..?” the well-built student replied, as though he was genuinely concerned for Ji-Yong.

Ji-Yong’s heart started racing. He started to feel dizzy. 

Immediately, he sprung up and followed his gut instinct. Run. He slapped the person’s hand away, slowly backed away, then sprinted to a nearby toilet, slamming the cubicle door shut behind him.

“This man… He’s… different,” he thought to himself, trying to comprehend the sudden chain of events that had just unfolded. He paused for a moment to slow down his breath, then sat down heavily on the toilet bowl. 

Squeech. He looked down, finally realising that the war had ceased to end: his once snow white pants were now stained a dirty shade of brown, and he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

Just outside the toilet, a blushing man leaned against the corridor wall. The man stared at the bathroom door, deep in thought as though he was a middle schooler staring at their math homework which they had no idea how to do. He sighed, thinking that it the situation was hopeless and walked away with a tinge of bitterness in his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations! You made it through the first chapter! The chapters are quite short compared to other more professional fics you've probably read. You should probably switch to "all chapters" mode so it looks like we're writing more. Heads up, we are pretty inconsistent with updates, but that's good for you because your eyes get more time to recover from this monstrosity!!!
> 
> But in all honesty, if you read this and somehow genuinely enjoyed it, then thank you so much!!! :)))
> 
> *please listen to “dong saya dae” and let your ears be blessed→ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beZFLT0Ixag


	2. you're lying if you said you haven't stained your pants in HS before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ji-Yong struggles to get his shit together.

Ji-Yong was lucky that his mother had packed him an extra pair of white pants. The problem, however, was trying to get to his locker without having people see his...situation. The once white pants were definitely in need of washing. How was he going to retrieve his clean pants from his locker? Damnit. Why was life so hard? If only I was a famous Korean pop star...life would be so much easier. 

After countless seconds trying to think of a plan to collect his pants without people seeing, he finally came up with a magnificent plan, one only true geniuses could think of. He would cover his brown shame with tissue paper. Perfect, was it not? 

Grabbing the tissue paper, Ji-Yong started to wrap his lower part of his body, only to come to a realisation: he looked like a mummy. There was no way that this wouldn’t catch attention of other students or teachers. Looking at his watch, he realised it would be too late to go to history class now. Might as well stay here until lunch.

And thus, Ji-yong settled himself down for the duration of history. He took this time to further recollect his thoughts about the scenario that took place... to realise how dashing the individual was. His straight-cut hair, scrumptious abs and awe-striking voice… 

***

Ji-Yong discovered that a lot of students were afraid of supernatural beings. After he accidentally scared the sh*t out of a bunch of them. By accident, obviously.

“Am I really that unattractive..?” Ji-Yong grumbled, peeling the toilet paper of his body. Why was the toilet paper so hard to remove anyway? It’s not like it had been used or anything… Had it?

After thoroughly searching through the whole toilet, Ji-Yong came to the conclusion that his situation was hopeless. Apart from toilet paper, there were no other supplies that he could use provided in the small toilet as his school was evidently too cheap to buy anything else. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ji-Yong grabbed the dirty mop located next to the dustbin and pulled the handle off the mop head.

Ji-Yong had a strong gut feeling that this was a terrible idea, however it was still better than getting suspended due to reenacting a scene from Indiana Jones during school hours. He put the mop head on his head and looked at himself in the mirror.

Perfect! The mop accentuated his feminine features and made him look completely different. Ji-Yong was happy: now if he got embarrassed, no one would know it was him! 

Anxiously, Ji-Yong picked up his bag (and dignity) and walked out of the toilet, and started to run to his locker. It was unfortunate that his locker was very conveniently located at the opposite end of the school.

Just as he was N@ruto running through the school, with the mop on his head, he just so happened to bump into someone. And guess who? 

It was the same guy who made him sh*t his pants in the first place.

Seungri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drumrolls*
> 
> Today, on things you thought were plot holes:
> 
> No, you weren’t hallucinating, Ji-Yong was. Which is why in this chapter, you read Ji-Yong thoughts about Seungri’s “Scrumptious abs”. Long story short, Ji-Yong basically had something like a wet dream in the toilet. Hah and you thought Ji-Yong was a smol, pure cinnamon roll that was too good for this world.


	3. always apply face mask at night because you never know when you'll meet the love of your life!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ji-Yong's never-ending battle continues.

Seungri was having an ordinary day.

He was a popular high school boy who had the perfect grades, perfect balance between academics and sports, and had perfect hair.

He was everyone’s unattainable high school crush with incredibly high standards.

What he did not expect, however, was to fall in love with such a beautiful person he accidentally bumped into when trying to get to class.

A student, carrying a huge navy blue bag wearing incredibly white pants-oh wait. There was some form of melted chocolate on it. Hmm. Strange.

The student had a abnormally unique hairstyle: it was white with strange thick strands, neat but all over the place. It was relatively short - around the height at the end of your chin. To others, the hair didn’t look attractive at all.

But to Seungri, she was the dream girl he always wanted.

When she bumped into him, he was too lost for words.

“Uh…so sorry!” She stuttered out, red in the face, trying to hide under her beautiful locks of greyish-white hair.

“Uhhhh………...don’t worry about it,” Seungri said after losing his train of thought for a second. What an attractive girl!

Before he could say anything more or ask for a name, the girl was sprinting away from him through the empty corridor. Was she in a rush? Why was there chocolate on her pants?

And why was she so _goddamn_ attractive?

Seungri was determined to find this mysterious woman and ask her out.

He was so distracted by love, he didn’t notice the stick coming out of the girl’s weird hair.

***

Ji-Yong was dying. What a great day! Mmmmmhmmm…

Rubbing his tomato-red face, Ji-Yong ran to his locker. The journey from the toilet took roughly 5 minutes, which was pretty fast considering he never exercised much and would probably be lying on the floor panting from exhaustion after running around 10 metres. (Yes, he was that fit.)

Finally, Ji-Yong reached his locker and opened it, quickly grabbed his extra white pants (why did he only have white pants?) and bolted to the nearest toilet, which was conveniently only a few metres away. He took off his stained pants and washed his ass a little before putting on his new pants before he realised:

Sh*t.

He didn’t have any extra underwear.

Ji-Yong decided that he had reached the point where he couldn’t afford to care anymore, so he continued putting on his new pants and decided to hide in the bathroom stall until history was over, which was only 10 minutes from now.

As such, he did the best thing he could have possibly thought of. Ji-Yong locked the cubicle door, took the mop off his head and sat on the toilet, falling into a huge nap.

***

When he woke up, he realised he slept throughout the entire school day.

Damnit.


	4. y'all should appreciate your parents tbh

Seungri had never been more determined to do something in his life- he knew that she was the one for him, and that they would be perfect together. He was such an idiot and didn’t ask for her name! How would he be able to seek the goddess out without knowing anything about her? 

 

All he could think of was her voluminous, flowing hair. Ah, love. The simple thought of her made Seungri blush (his cheeks were almost the same colour as your sh*t after eating red velvet cakes). Completely consumed by his thoughts, Seungri did not take note of the fact that there was a very conveniently lamppost placed in front of him. 

 

He should really start paying more attention to his surroundings. 

 

“Ughhhh... ” he moaned out loud. The contents of the milo carton which was previously in his hands were now splattered all over his white clothes. Why was the school uniform white anyway? Sighing, once again, for the thirtieth time in these four chapters, Seungri turned to backtrack and return home to change his clothing. Why was this such a pain in the @ss… 

 

The brown stain on his pants gave him an odd sensation of deja vu. Didn’t the beauty from yesterday have a similar stain on her pants? Reevaluating his decision- why  _ couldn’t _ he just continue walking to school with that milo stain? after all, the school uniform was a pain to wash and besides, the lady’s pants yesterday had an identical stain to it, and he’d fallen for her just the same! Why not just make it a bold fashion trend, that’ll work, won’t it?

 

Whistling, he made a 180 turn and continued his pilgrimage to go to the much prestigious, much holy institution of KPOOPERS™. 

 

***

 

“WAKE UP GODDAMMIT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, HUH? DO YOU”

 

Ji-Yong screamed. Loudly. So loudly in fact, that he was really surprised the neighbours hadn’t woken up, barged into his house, then shoved him up against a wall inquiring  _ politely _ if a murderer had just stabbed him 26 times in the privates. Wiping the perspiration off his (slightly too large) forehead, he sat up on his bed, thankful that it was all just a nightmare. 

 

It was then he was greeted by a feather duster being thumped around his bed, by a particularly enraged asian tiger mum. The moment the feather duster (the world’s secret, most dangerous weapon disguised as an ordinary household product used by only the toughest alien race- mums) hit his head, he knew he was in for a rough day.

 

***

 

“Now, don’t forget to drink finish your 3 litre bottle by the end of the day, or don’t you dare try stepping into my house,” Ji-yong’s mother reminded him with a slightly unnervingly sweet smile plastered on her face. Ji-Yong shuddered, imagining the consequences should he fail to meet her requirements- he had almost been caught emptying his bottle of water in the house plant last week after all.

 

“Yes mum.”

 

“Also, eat all the sandwiches that I put my blood, sweat and tears into making for you this  _ early morning _ when you were  _ supposed _ to be awake”.

 

“Yes mum,” Ji-yong cursed under his breath, knowing that he would not survive the wrath of his mother if he would leave a single morsel of the contents behind.

 

“I even put some chocolates in your bag, for your friends is they want any,” adding on slyly.

 

Ji-Yong sighed. His mother would have to one day finally capitulate and accept that he was a loner and was never going to make any new friends in school anyway. He felt bad that his mother was going through so much trouble just to try and coax him into… socialising. It didn’t come easily for him, being trapped in a pit of social awkwardness and all. He grabbed the box of chocolates anyway; deciding to finish it all by himself in school, maybe even convincing his mother that he had met someone special today.

 

_________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: filler chapter; sorry for the slow updates but we promise y'all that we ain't physically dead! the next update should be coming soon..,


	5. dong saya dON'T

Once Seungri reached school with his slightly brown pants, he was met with the face of Taeyang.

“Seungri, what’s up!” Taeyang cheered so loudly that a flock of birds in a tree nearby were appalled with his rudeness and began to file a complaint to their lawyer.

“How u been- wait...what happened to your pants?” Seungri began to sweat.

“Uh...oh it’s nothin’... Just wanted to try something out ya’know? Maybe a new trend…?” He muttered nervously, raking his hand through his white hair while attempting to “play it cool”. 

Taeyang looked at him with the most apathetic face in the world, as if he didn’t believe a single word that was spewing out of his mouth. Seungri smiled anxiously.

“Oh, that’s cool!” Taeyang exclaimed, smiling and eyes shining as bright as your phone after you just woke up. 

Seungri unconsciously relaxed his tensed up body. OOF. That was a close one. He couldn’t risk ruining his reputation here. 

“Well, I gotta go to class now! We have history with Mr Tawagoto… God… no one likes him. He’s sh*t!!” 

Well, there was no denying that. Mr Tawagoto’s one of the worst teachers out there. He constantly gives homework that has nothing related to the actual subject they’re learning. Not to mention the fact that he made the students mark their own papers for the end of year exam!! Who the hell does that?!!

“Ok, see ya,” Seungri mumbled, walking off to his locker. Right around the corner was where he met that strangely beautiful girl… if only he could see her again and ask for her name, and hopefully even be his girlfriend… Then again if she wanted to be the boyfriend then that’s fine… Seungri’s completely fine with that. 

Opening his locker, Seungri took out his books and placed them in his bag. Just then, someone had knocked into him, causing him to fall and drop his books. 

“Hey what the hell?!” Seungri shouted, obviously annoyed from his tragic meeting with that girl. He got up, turned around, only to see Ji-Yong. 

“Oh… I-I’m really sorry!!” He stuttered, “A-are you okay??? Please forgive me I was just-”

“It’s okay, I’m alright. But why’d you bump into me?”

“Sorry, I was distracted…” Ji-Yong mumbled timidly, his hand holding something that looked like a phone.

“With what…?” Seungri asked, confused. What on earth had distracted him so much that made him stumble and fall into him? 

“Uh… uhmm…” Ji-Yong flushed, a crimson red rapidly painted across his cheeks. Bringing his hands which contained the phone closer to himself, he looked downwards and sighed.

“Uh… It’s nothing, sorry…” Ji-Yong began to turn into the other direction and attempted to walk away, but Seungri grabbed his shoulder.

“Wait!” Seungri shouted, hand on Ji-Yong’s shoulder while a breeze passed by, Seungri’s hair swinging gently to the movement of the wind, his charcoal black pupils dilated and his elegant eyes widened gracefully. His head facing Ji-Yong while his lean and muscular body tilted at a 90° angle away from him. A worried yet curious expression blanketed his smooth handsome face, eyebrows pointing upwards in a concerned manner and plush red lips slightly open. 

It was almost as beautiful as an anime scene. 

Well, it was to Ji-Yong.

“W-what is it?” Ji-Yong asked, attempting to conceal his overwhelmed and flushing face when Seungri grabbed on to his shoulder, and feeling incredibly betrayed by his vocal chords when he heard his voice crack as he said that last word.

“What…” Seungri started, pausing for dramatic effect while the wind blew stronger (seriously can someone close the window?), “What were you watching on your phone?”

Gasping, Ji-Yong recoiled, as if he had been burnt. How did he know? How could he have deducted the fact that he was actually watching something on his phone?? No wonder Ji-Yong fell for him - his intelligence almost outmatched his beauty.

“UHHHH……… n-nothing, I swear!!!” Ji-Yong shouted, dragging his hands which were holding his phone closer towards his belly. Sweat trickled down his forehead. He was exposed.

“Are you sure?” Seungri asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow suggestively. Damnit. Ji-Yong’s cover was broken.

“NOTHING JUST LEAVE ME ALONE MUM!” Ji-Yong shrieked, “wAIT NO NOT MUM-”

Seungri reached towards Ji-Yong’s hands and snatched the phone from his grasp. However, he just ever so slightly missed and accidentally grasped Ji-Yong’s small korean sausage. 

Oops.

 

Blushing furiously, Ji-Yong convulsed and fell, dropping his phone which conveniently landed into Seungri’s hands. 

Seungri, who was also blushing but slightly less, looked at the phone. There was a brief silence, which was disrupted by Seungri quietly muttering, 

 

“You watch Ryan Higa…

 

too?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: !! we actually got some new bookmarks and kudos!! we're shook that people actually read this crack but thanks for all the support y'all & and sorry it's kinda late because life


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